


Safety Within

by whatsanapocalae



Category: The Evil Within (Video Game)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, F/M, First Time Bottoming, Loss of Virginity, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-17 01:17:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18954976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatsanapocalae/pseuds/whatsanapocalae
Summary: Just a quick thing of Sebastian's first time having anal sex with Myra, back when they were young and newly in love.





	Safety Within

“Sebastian?” His eyes were closed and he kept them closed. He was breathing in shallow litle huffs. He had to calm down. He didn’t want her to see ho much he was shaking. “Sebastian, are you alright?”

He opened his eyes and there was Myra, leaning over him, her eyebrows pinched with worry. He’d already failed. She was still in her pyjamas, odd for her to be so casual, and he was half dressed and he’d already given away how scared he was. He was already disappointing her. She must have been looking forward to this for a while with how excited she was when he’d brought it up. 

“I’m fine, a little bit of a headache.” He gave her a wobbly smile, hoping she’d believe him. 

She was a good detective though, far better than him and they both knew it. “Liar.” 

“Are you sure you should be doing this?” he asked, lifting up a bit of her white tank top, tracing the stitches in her side. The most terrified he’d ever been was seeing her fall, hearing that gun go off, carrying her out of the building to where the EMTs could reach her. This wasn’t a near second. This wasn’t scary at all. 

She rolled her eyes and pulled her pale, sunlight on snow hair back away from her face. “If I can go back out onto the field tomorrow I can do this today. You have to talk to me Sebastian. What’s wrong?”

He didn’t want to say. It was embarrassing, on some level, both the cause of the fear and the fact that he was afraid at all. He and Myra had had sex before, quite a few times, and it was always so good and soft and delicate. He wanted to be a bit rougher sometimes but he couldn’t not with Myra’s condition the way it was. He remembered the first time that he went down on her, the look on her face, the way her eyelashes fluttered as she ran her hands through his hair, silently urging him to go deeper. 

He held onto that memory, the pleasure he’d given her, as he finally opened up, rubbing circles into her pale skin with his fingers. 

“I’ve never...” he couldn’t even make eye contact. He felt so weak, “I’ve never done this before.”

Her eyebrows shot up and he thought that she was going to make fun of him but, instead, the smile was endearing. “Do you think I’m going to hurt you?”

“No.”

“Good, because I won’t,” she traced the shuddering of his lower lip. “Are you afraid of what others will think?”

“No.” 

“Do you think it’s emasculating?” 

He swallowed. His mouth was dry. His eyes weren’t. “Men don’t get fucked. Not really. And I know I’m not- well, I’m not exactly-

She grabbed his jaw then, a little bit harder than she needed to and he realized that her nails had been cut short, just for this. His eyes were forced to hers and he could see anger in her, real anger. It wasn’t directed at him, he could tell, but he was on the receiving end of it. 

“If you say you’re not a real man then I am going to get up and leave, right now,” she threatened. He stayed still. That was what he was about to say. “You’re more of a real man than any of those other guys, the ones who never even second thought their place in their bodies or in this world. You had to fight to be taken seriously as a man and none of them have ever even had to question it and that makes you more real than any of them.”

He exhaled. She knew what to say. She always knew what to say. He spread his legs for her. She released him. 

“What if it hurts? I know you won’t hurt me but what if it hurts anyway?” 

Her hand trailed up his cheek, tracing around his eye. Her skin was so soft. “You’ll have to keep talking to me, Sebastian. Open communication is good for any relationship.”

He bit his lip and thrust his hips up a little, just to get her to climb off of him. It felt weird, being the nude one while she was still fully dressed, even in pyjamas, but he pulled off his shorts and briefs anyway. Even with her, he still felt exposed and awkward, like his hands should be covering himself. There was so much hair that his genitals were fairly hidden anyway, but it was still strange to be seen. 

Myra pulled off her tank top. She wasn’t wearing a bra underneath. She didn’t really need one. Her breasts were growing still but they were still small and a bit stiff. She leaned down and kissed him, soft and gentle and that was something that he really wanted to be rougher. He buried his hand in her long hair and pulled her down, kissed her the way that he wanted to, chasing away the fear that was still so present. 

She laughed against him, the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard, before she pulled away. Her hair went back into a loose and lazy ponytail and she shimmied out of her navy blue bottoms which had a snowflake pattern on them. She was all about winter, everything about her cold and pure and relentless. She was like a cool breeze in the spring air. 

She wasn’t even half hard and Sebastian wondered if he was doing something wrong, if he wasn’t sexy enough for her, if his fears had been enough to ruin her own excitement. But then again, he knew how this worked. He knew that she wasn’t going to go in immediately, there was foreplay involved. 

“Get on your hands and knees for me?” she asked, kissing his temple. 

He shook his head, wrapping a hand loosely around her wrist. “I want to look at you.”

“I know,” she chuckled, “and you will. This part is just easier to do with you on all fours.”

“Like a dog?” 

“You want me to treat you like one?”

He smiled then, his nervousness bubbling forth like the images in his head. Maybe not a dog but, something. He wanted her to control him, if this went well. He’d let other people control him in the bedroom before, and it had always left a thrill in him at the time and a bitter taste in his heart after. The worst of it was behind him though and he knew that Myra wouldn’t treat him the way that his exes had, the ones that didn’t know him well enough because he didn’t know himself at all. 

He did do as she said though sticking his ass up in the air in a way that he hoped was appetizing. She kissed one of his ass cheeks and he giggled, unable to keep it in. She was laughing too. That was good. This was supposed to be fun. More than sexy, more than permanent, this was supposed to be fun. 

He felt like a dog though, o his hands and knees, especially when he barked at the surprise of cold fluid on his asshole. All of his muscles tensed at it and he knew that was wrong. He had to be loose for this. 

One of her hands was on his lipstick stained cheek and pulled it aside so Myra could see what she was doing. “Just keep breathing. Long and slow.”

He nodded and did as she said. He could feel one of her fingers in that cold fluid, smearing it around his hole. He had to relax. He was still shaking. He felt a little bit light headed. 

“Ready?” 

“Ready.”

He exhaled and she pushed in with one digit, nice and slow. He had a plug, it was about the size of her pinky, but it didn’t feel anything like this. This was longer and slightly thicker and syrupy with lube and he fell forward a little bit with the pressure of her movement. It didn’t hurt. It burned a little and he felt like he had to take a shit but it felt good for the most part. He could feel her moving around, searching for something that he didn’t have, before sliding it out a little bit and then back in. 

“How’s that?” she asked. He realized that she was lying on her side, stretching her arms out to penetrated him and keep a strong gaze on his face. 

“Good,” he admitted. “Interesting.”

“Not what you were expecting?” 

“Kind of what I was expecting. Kind of not.” 

“You want more?”

He shook his head, “Not yet.”

She hummed and kissed his shoulder, thrusting in shallowly with her finger. She leaned back at one point, touching herself as she watched how his body reacted to her finger. 

“More?” 

Another finger slid into his body and his back arched at the sensation. He knew that he was clean on the inside but now he felt like he had to go to the bathroom. He’d read about this, he knew that that was a normal feeling. He said nothing about it. He gasped when she spread her fingers though, scissoring him. 

He could feel his own erection, how hot his genitals were, how wet they were. Some of the lubricant must have slipped down because he’d never been so wet before. It felt good. It felt hot. 

“More?” he asked again and he could feel the vibration of Myra’s laugh all the way through him. 

“Not yet.” 

He was moaning though, as she slid those fingers into him. She pulled them all of the way out and then back in and he buried his face into the pillow, hugging it. He tilted his hips, giving her more, giving her everything. He hadn’t expected this to feel so good. 

He was groaning, his hands reaching and grabbing and twisting at her sheets. The pillow smelled like her shampoo, like a little bit of oranges but far more like roses. He could smell her sweat too, in the sheets, and a hint of aftershave, though he didn’t know if that was hers or his. 

“More?” he asked again and this time he had less. She slipped her fingers out of his ass and wrapped her clean hand around his waist, to grab and tug at his cock. 

“Are you ready for me?” she lay upon his back so that she could talk into his ear, so that her chest was flush against him. 

He was shaking still, but it was different now, still nervous but with a pent up energy. He nodded vigorously. 

“Get on your back Sebastian.”

He did as she said. He would always do what she said. He loved to do what she said. He was splayed out for her, his chest heaving, too many cigarettes over her hospital stay ruining his stamina, and he could feel her eyes bore into him. He should have felt self conscious. He had before. But now he felt safe. Myra would never judge him, not for his looks. 

She grabbed his knees and hoisted them, one after the other, over her shoulders. She leaned forward so that her dick was right against his hole and he tried to squirm onto it, tried to impale himself with it but she stopped him with a glare. She reached for the nightstand instead, folding his back as she did, to grab a condom and the lube again. 

“I don’t need a condom,” Sebastian groaned, thrusting up at her. 

“It’s your first time so yes you do,” Myra snapped him a glare. “It’s not just for STIs and pregnancy, you know.”

He whined a little bit in his throat. Now that he’d had a taste he wanted more of it. 

She put on the condom and then a bit more, a lot more, lube. She rolled her hips and her dick still didn’t enter him but it skidded against him, catching on his hole a little before sliding up past it. “Are you sure you’re ready, Sebastian?” she asked. 

He nodded again, “Please, Myra.” 

She smiled and put one hand on her dick, the other holding down his hip. His knees were starting to slide off of her shoulders but he forced them to stay there. He bit his lip. 

It burned more than the first finger had and, almost immediately, he could feel his pulse in the rim of his ass. She felt bigger, quite a bit bigger than her fingers had. He was glad for the lube but this felt like too much, like she was going to shatter him. 

And then she stopped. She didn’t pull out, she just stayed there, and he didn’t know if he could adjust, he didn’t know if that was possible. 

“Does it hurt?” 

He looked down, she was maybe an inch inside of him. “No,” he shook his head. “It just feels like a lot.” 

“Estrogen made me shrink a lot,” Myra complained, “I’m surprised you feel this tight, actually.” 

“Be nice to me,” he joked, “It’s my first time.”

“Well alright, but only because it’s your first time,” she gave him a wicked smile as she brought her hand down to trace the skin around his hot red cock head, teasing it. She slid her fingers under the foreskin and tugged it out of hiding before rubbing circles into it. 

He tightened, pulling his hips up and Myra felt a lot bigger in his ass suddenly. “Nice! You said you were being nice.” 

She chuckled and started to stroke him, much better than applying all of that attention to such a sensitive nub. She flicked it back and forth to make his stomach jump, jerking him until he was groaning and clutching the sheets again. Every once in a while she would slide in a bit deeper, penetrate him further, and check in on him. He always gave her a pleased smile with half lidded eyes. 

She sighed and pumped her hips experimentally when she was finally inside of him all of the way. She released his cock and allowed herself to fall forward onto her elbows, so she could kiss him, so she could smile against him. He felt so full, so honest, so grounded in that moment. There was the real fear then, that he wouldn’t want to fuck anyone in any other way than this again. 

“You want me harder?” she asked and he wanted to touch her, to do more for her, but he didn’t know what. He ran his hand through her hair instead then and she hummed. 

“Yes,” he gasped. 

Myra pulled almost all of the way out and then back in. It wasn’t hard but it was more than her little wiggles before and he moaned a long winding sound. It was so different, so much better. He didn’t even have a prostate and he was sure he could come from this alone. It was so much more than he’d ever felt in his other hole. 

“Oh God!” he growled between clenched teeth, “Fuck, Myra! It feels so good!” 

“Told you,” she kissed his forehead and pulled out to the tip again before sliding in till the hilt. 

He rocked back, as little as he could with his back against the mattress, and tried to get more, to stimulate places that he didn’t have. Myra held him still and shushed him with a kiss and she slid in and out of him again and again, swallowing all of his moans and whimpers. 

She wrapped her arms around him, forcing his back to arch in a way he wasn’t used to, and they were so close that, while she fucked him, he felt small, smaller than he had in years, but not in a way that made him feel weak or childish. He felt safe. He put his life on the line every day and it was in her arms like this that he felt safe. He didn’t know what he would have done if he’d lost her. He couldn’t even imagine it. He wrapped his arms around her as well and buried his face into her neck and wondered if she felt anywhere near as safe with him as he did with her. 

She was kissing along his clavicle. She was stroking down his back. It was a little bit muddled by his binder, but he didn’t care. She had never asked him to take it off. He knew that she never would. 

He was safe with her. 

“I’m gonna-” he started but he didn’t know what he was gonna. It didn’t feel like his usual orgasm, the kind that came from his small cock, all this pressure and then everything locking up and him wondering if he came of if his hand just got too tired to keep going. This was every nerve being lit, all of his tissues shuddering in response to stimuli, his entire body ready to catch into flame. 

“Me too,” she huffed into his hair and she stammered her hips, fucking him harder than before, making each of those nerves burst into fireworks as he came a cross between cursed wails and breathless moans coming out of him, most likely right into her ear. 

She gripped his tighter and he loved the way his ribs creaked and then she was coming right after him, her cum filling the condom inside of him. 

“See?” she said, nuzzling him until he pulled away from her neck, so she could kiss him, soft and languid, like the rest of her body had become. “Nothing to be scared of.”

Sebastian kissed her back, knotting their fingers together. His hips popped as he let his legs slide down and he locked her against him with them, crossing his ankles behind her back. “I should listen to you more.” 

She smiled down at him. “You really should.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sebastian is naked and wearing a binder at the same time because a binder doesn't count as clothes in my mind. I am naked when I wear just a binder and so is he. All of the trans stuff on Sebastian's side are based off of my own experiences. Don't @ me.


End file.
